hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
