Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We need to get me chipped asap
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
