my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
