I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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