dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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