i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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