I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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