Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm both gender and math confused
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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