I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
