margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
