So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
