I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
