U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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