that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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