Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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