it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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