break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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