Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this just has baby written all over it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
