What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
