Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
