if only i could text you this smell
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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