Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
