Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
