I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
