...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
