is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
