I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
