I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
