I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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