I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
