when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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