I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
His nipple licking is glorious
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