a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
