I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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