I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
