Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
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Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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