My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
