even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
