I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
