Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
