Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
