Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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