Tell her she can't have a vagina
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have already put on my inside pants.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
