1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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