When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
