Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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