Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
