I just threw up on my dentist
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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