Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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