Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
ttyl tear gas
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
