I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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