You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
