there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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