he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
