Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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