i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
