Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
