he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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